"IF YOU KEEP IT INSIDE YOU IT WILL JUST FESTER AND EAT YOU ALIVE." Warning! This could be very triggering!!
Hello. A man raped me on May 6, 1997. Brutally. He pulled a gun on me, I don't know if it was loaded. It doesn't really matter I suppose. There were 3 of us living (in seperate rooms) in a trailer, out in the country. He waited until the other guy left for work around 6:00 am. I was laying on my stomach and he jumped on me and started pounding me in the head, I think with the gun. Of course I had stayed up until 3am the night before talking to the other guy so I was in a really deep sleep. I rolled over and started struggling. All of a sudden I hear "click" and he has pointed the gun right at my head. I have never felt such horror in my life. What I did next totally baffles and amazes me. I grabbed the gun and pointed it the other direction. I'm not sure if it was bravery or stupidity, or a little of both. I didn't want it pointed at my head so I moved it. ???? Anyway, this totally shocked him so he grabbed the roll of duck tape that he had layed by my bed and commenced to taping my arms to my head with this stuff. What is it about these sick bastards and duck tape? Do you know what duck tape does to human skin? I had scars for a month.
I never planned on telling the whole story again in my life. It feels good though. I'm still kind of afraid to speak out though. This subconcious crap is telling me "it could've been worse. You should be grateful you're alive and he didn't hurt you worse. What if you piss him off enough that he escapes and comes after you to finish you off? You should keep your mouth shut and stay safe."
Well, as you see, I'm not letting my fear keep me silenced any more.Thank you for having this page and giving me and others the chance to speak.
All I have to say right now to other survivors is speak out! Even if you do it anonymously. Write an anonymous letter and send it to a rape crisis center if nothing else. Write it on the internet. Tell a friend or a family member. Tell your pet. Anyone. Just GET IT OUT. IF YOU KEEP IT INSIDE YOU IT WILL JUST FESTER AND EAT YOU ALIVE. It doesn't deserve to take any more of you than it already has.
stay well and good luck, Patricia
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