"Finding my voice"

I am a 20 year old Junior in college. I was raped within the first month of my freshman year. I began dating this guy, "Matt" right when school started. He was 21, I was 18. I never thought it would happen to me. We had been dating about a month, when one night we went back to his apartment. He was trying to pressure me into having sex. I was a virgin at the time, and just didn't feel ready. He wouldn't take "no" for an answer and pulled a kitchen knife on me and raped me 3 times throughout the night. He cut my leg with the knife and also proceeded to put it inside me, and rape me with the knife. I can still remember the blood and the pain.

He drove me home the next day as if nothing happened. I never saw him again. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't think anyone would believe me, and I felt so humiliated. A year later, as my anniversary approached, I suddenly became so depressed that I couldn't function. I eventually told a trusted friend about the rape. She helped me to realize that it wasn't my fault. Talking has helped me a lot. I have told several people who, it turns out, are also survivors. They have been my angels and supported me throughout the toughest time of my life. I started therapy and even began working doing EMDR. I am doing so much better now and starting to become an advocate against rape and sexual assault. I want to help raise awareness about this horrible crime and help people to be able to protect themselves. I talk about my rape now, and even though times are tough, and the pain is still there, I want to make a difference in some way or another. All survivors deserve to find their voice, and I have finally found mine.

-Anonymous

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